There's no better tour guide than George Kuchar to what he himself calls the "decrepit damned." He's no Dante, but Kuchar might be a bilious Virgil with laughing gas, as he takes us to the abodes of his bedazzled bohemian buddies. In Metropolitan Monologues (2000, 45 mins), something new is cooking inside the depilated noggin of our good-humored guide. Kuchar has written a play, The Kiss of Frankenstein, and he's auditioning unsuspecting actors for his "putrid project." Alliteration never hung on the tongue like it does with these titillating thespians. Shorts:Neil Goldberg has a ready cast with My Parents Read Dreams I've Had About Them (1998, 9 mins), a rambunctious recitation in which his parents do exactly what he tells them to. Nobody gives orders like Joe Gibbons does in Barbie's Audition (1995, 13 mins), a jocular jab at the casting couch. His aspiring starlet is none other than that ever-lovin' piece of polymer. HalfLifers turn a richly laden kitchen into a psychoactive landing pad: Actions in Action (1997, 10:30 mins) takes the food fight to a frantic dimension that is definitely high in carbohydrates. Plus a comic short by Teddy Dibble.-Steve Seid